So, yesterday was Ash Wednesday.
It was quite the day! At the late night service at DePaul I realized several things - first, it was so nice to run into old friends that had also gone back to St. Vincent's for ashes. Especially great that I got to enjoy mass with a dear friend that has been out of the state for far too long. I thoroughly enjoyed what Fr. Chris shared. His thoughts made me think of one of the most badass women mystics in Catholicism - St. Theresa of Avila. Around the time of my confirmation I read about her, started the Interior Castle and later decided her name would be a great confirmation name for me. Such a lovely book that I have often grappled with over the years - but I thought of the importance of exploring one's inner self and ultimately how that manifests on the outside. Fr. Chris mentioned that each of us has our own cross, yesterday it was both on our foreheads and in our daily experiences. I think the "cross" of my everyday experiences might be a little jagged and edgy, and I think my lived experiences thus far materialize into some formation of mangled compassion.
I do wonder if this sort of thinking is just an outgrowth of the "rugged individualism" of the United States. Focusing on the self to grow closer to God is about relationship so ultimately the antithesis of that, but what if reflection doesn't get to the point of helping someone connect with God directly, in themselves, and/or others? What if the presence of radical individuals in my life are just a manipulation of "rugged individualism" and the current political environment? Is my radicalism really just a controlled, watered down version of what I'd like it to be because I am governed by neoliberal tactics in my daily life? Does living in community ultimately work against this seeing as how it is not identified with an individual, but a group and those associated with the group?
I was honestly a little perplexed yesterday. At one point in the day I was sporting an orange jumpsuit with a hood over my head (something I thought I'd never do might I add), protesting indefinite detention and at another I was teaching someone how to use a computer and I thought I was going to be teaching ESL. It's funny, I teach English and computers - I think both things need to become less dominant in our society. I realize that is unlikely, and just because I want to simplify and move away from technology and perhaps to a foreign country doesn't mean I can't help other people get by in this crazy nation. So really, I feel like I'm going off of what it was like to be a full time volunteer - negotiating the tensions in my daily interactions and doing what I can. And, in retrospect that's why I took off early for JVC. My life wasn't adding up for me, I wanted to better live out my convictions. Now I'm formally committing to that, but on all my own terms. I think coming from the fabulous framework of the Catholic left I'm in good hands.
From the Earth and/or a self-sustaining environment...
So thus far I had to pay to print a paper - rats! I wish DePaul used recycled paper, but then again it would cost me more money. I also paid my credo phone bill. So paper I can argue comes from the earth, but a cell phone not so much. I feel completely legit with credo though. They remind me to call my senators, give me great updates and donate to progressive causes. They are sustaining me and much needed organizations! I'm trying to decide what I'm going to be doing about my car. I think this will be tricky. I do love public transit, but it's not always the most viable option and I currently do not have a bike. Hopefully this changes soon, but in the meantime I've got to make some decisions. I think I have a little gas left, but is that cheating if I use it until it runs out? Hmmm - questions to consider!
On another note, I haven't had coffee today. I honestly can't tell you the last time I went this long without coffee. Hopefully I don't go crazy or get spacier! Today that has proven to get me in some trouble academically. But, is coffee sustainable in and of itself? I know the amount of water it takes to produce just one bag is somewhat large - I remember being surprised by it. And I was considering buying fair trade, which is a huge privilege, but then again I recently read an article saying that fair trade isn't all that much better than non fairly traded coffee. Oh! A friend sent me an email about some great farmers in Guatemala making legit coffee. Maybe I'll fetch myself some of that.
Namaste.
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